The wish to stay hidden and unknown is likely an experience of Shame. Most people who have suffered from PTSD or an Attachment Trauma are sometimes overwhelmed with sensations of Shame. At some point during our work together, shame will become known as a wish to stop your authentic self from peaking through a virtual wall you've managed to construct towards others, especially when the shame feelings are fierce. Nothing can aptly describe this particular pain because it is a pain that begs to be hidden. Shame is a defensive "wet blanket" to cover over feelings of aloneness or inadequacy.
Shame comes part and parcel with having been treated badly growing up or in adulthood; it is the part of the mis-treatment that we distort as "being our own fault" or a fear that we were "deserving" of having been treated poorly. The actual abuse or dismissive treatment suffered was due to our caregivers overwhelm, or perhaps as a way for them to escape from their own pervasive sense of shame.
Filling the therapy seats with our dyadic, attuned, close, authentic and real connection around the experience of shame that has haunted you just below the surface, (or that sometime feels like it occurs smack dab across your face) is Step 1 in healing that very painful state. Step 2 is letting yourself share in our therapy that you have struggled with shame. Understanding and admitting the complexity of this shame experience, with my accompaniment, gives us a jumpstart at unfolding the specific traumas that brought you here. We do this together through AEDP's inimitably brave and careful way of directing our shared kindness, love and compassion towards feeling the true underlying emotions shame has hidden so well for you. Once you feel less alone with the vast wet-shame-blanket, slowly, slowly what had previously felt like a torrent of torment in your past, will finally be replaced by glimmers of pride, joy, possibility and bravery.
In therapy we 'un-do' those old and damaging shame-inducing incidents in our work together. You will you begin to know, without a doubt and deep inside, your own worthiness and truth.
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